stripped

2004-08-06T00:12:00.000-07:00

http://www.freeiPods.com/default.aspx?referer=7463890

2004-05-12T21:06:00.000-07:00

burn - usher

usher is like DAMN! oh yeah : )
creamage list.

today was a sad attempt to study at the *bucks in brea. too many distractions. they were good distractions, but i just couldn't focus. i cant wait till july. extreme athletes. band members. ink. yes or no? "are you crazy?" haha. that was crazy.

<3

2004-05-08T14:57:00.000-07:00

testing is half over for me.

so the most random thought came to me. today would've been 1 year 3 months and 2 days.

2004-05-02T21:05:00.000-07:00

what would it take for you to just leave with me?
not trying to sound conceited but
you and me were meant to be
you're a sexy guy, i'm a nice girl
let's turn this dance floor into our own little nasty world

spring is getting to me :X

friday was the first time my mom, sister, brother and i ate dinner together in forever. i was lucky enough to be lectured on us history for 2 hours or so. my sister is so freakin smart, i am so envious. she makes me want to go to la, it sounds like fun.

saturday i took sat iis. when i didn't remember bio answers it made me mad; when i didn't remember history answers, it made me want to cry.

afterwards, sharon, jimmy, eric and i ate at in n out in chino hills. it was a weird day today because we saw people like us just chillin in the parking lot. so i thought "ha, we're not the only losers, or people, who loiter in parking lots for fun" and walked inside. later, we noticed that apparently some of those guys must've been friends or something cause before you knew it there were 7 celicas there, all lined up and coincidentally my car just happened to be parked near them, so i guess that made 8. personally, i thought it was rather strange when i saw 7 GUYS ALL DRIVING CELICAS. no offense, but i think that it's a pretty feminine car considering how small it is but whatever. one guy was looked just like vin diesel, except not as built with tats on both arms, owned a celica. i wonder how he fits in there. but yeah, two of them had pretty nice body kits. too bad those guys were sort of weird, or else i would've enjoyed talking to them more. but the strangest thing of all time was that we saw 5 of the 7 celicas AGAIN a few hours later around puente hills, my guess was that they were going to speed zone or whatnot. but still, that's sooo weird. and THEN later at staples, i saw this car that i had seen a year ago. it was those one-of-a-kind cars because it had some unique lining along all edges and whatnot. but that was strange.

j squared and s squared watched "mean girls" yesterday. it was a really good movie; the best one that i've seen in the longest time. the movie pretty much sums up twin's life, that was pretty hilarious. i realized that i tend to pay attention to the little details in the movie and also laugh at inappropriate places. i just like to think that i have an unique sense of humor :D

afterwards we went to richards house. ate at some korean bbq for hez's bday. then went back. and ended the night at chris's house. it was an eventful day.

today, i studied some of history and bio. i think i am developing narcolepsy.

i am the worst ap/ib student ever. major guilt trip :T

<3

2004-04-30T18:37:00.000-07:00

WANTED: MY DREAM GUY

- handsome
- nice smile
- good dancer
- nice voice, perhaps a singer : )
- intelligent
- someone who could sweep me off my feet

OR

- him

wow what do you know, he fits all the prerequisites : D

<3

2004-04-21T21:59:00.000-07:00

i heard someone play my song in the parking lot at school today. it must be a sign. we must be soulmates. i hope he's cute. i hope i meet him someday.

so i was thinking about what chris rock said in "bigger and blacker," something about who really cares what kind of music people listen to. music is just music, it's harmless. honestly, how many people actually take music and it's lyrics literally, like serious literally.

i'm even more excited for prom than before. i get to go to prom with a prom prince :D
jimmy, chris, court and james are all princes.
yvonne and marissa are princesses.
good luck to them all.

HI PAT!! i WILL see you at prom : )

<3

2004-04-20T21:48:00.000-07:00

shit happens, just blow it off

too much talking causes people not to listen to you.
and then when nobody pays attention to you, you fall asleep on the phone.

i think i slept for over half the day today. slept during cat 6. slept during some bio. slept for ONLY the last 10 minutes of history. came home, took a nap for 2 1/2 hours. then a long lost friend came to visit for a while. we watched some karate/kickboxing whatever on tv. some little guy knocked out a big guy; it's awesome when that happens : ) then read othello which put me to sleep again. dinner. it's so unfair that we still have zero period during testing. i am excited for prom, my date is super cool. but apparently he's not cool enough to have seen "macguyver." but on the other hand, wacky jackie has seen it, he's cool. fcuk!

<3

p.s.
pharrell wears gray and white camouflage pants on the cover of "fly or die."
how many times must i say this: camouflage is awesome.

2004-04-17T14:42:00.000-07:00

she wants to move - n.e.r.d

everything's been a blur since spring break started from last friday. one day i went prom shopping with twin, jackie, jimmy and pat. another day they went swimming at jimmy's and we ate afterwards. for three days j squared, tiff and i went to the bay area to do a whole bunch of wonderful random stuff. awesome bonding time. each day up there seemed like a whole week. on thursday we went to the beach for christian's birthday. friday, watched "kill bill 2" with alec and his friends. then met up with everyone. went to some party in la puente. it was packed like crazy. then some people started shit and bottles were being thrown. i guess some people were packing so we decided it was time to leave. i think i am officially a magnet to blacks and mexicans. lucky me.

off to get my corsage (sp?)

<3

2004-04-05T21:51:00.000-07:00

dirty dancing - black eyed peas

i got 2 1/2 hours of sleep last night. i procrastinate to the fullest. i'm gonna die in may.

today my teacher called me narcoleptic. it made me sad. it could be true though; i mean it sure would explain a lot.

stupid practice ap test for bio made me sad. just missed a 4 by one point. stupid plants.

tuesday, night session and tech rehersal.
wednesday, prom fashion show.
thursday, stress management.
friday/spring break, party : )

2004-04-04T16:58:00.000-07:00

... everybody in the club getting tipsy ...

went to chris's on friday, well more like saturday morning. everyone was pretty fucked up. i only had one shot and that got me all red but not drunk. it was chill. i slept there two weeks in a row, highly unusual.

yesterday i went to eat with family/relatives/friends. after i went over to alec's, oliver and ken were there as well. my car got owned by jackie: wipers up and missing antenna. i think my car looks better antenna-less.

i can't speak for you but i still have my self dignity.

i've enough of this high school drama : )

2004-04-01T17:31:00.000-08:00

stupid shrink get paid by the hour 350 he can't figure out what's wrong with me
dumbass girl*friend fucked my friend she's a hoe

school has been hell. however i did manage to get an a on my econ test, which goes to show that i'm not completely stupid. but then again let's compare that to the 11 out of 25 i got the other day on my history quiz, but that's because i fell asleep. so maybe i AM stupid to some extent : ) i've been sleeping more than usual in my classes. today in history i fell asleep biting my lip and curling my toes so when i woke up ... it wasn't pleasant. plus i drooled through 5-10 pages of my book haha. at least i don't have rabies ... or so i think : ) and then some other things are just ... blah. *shrugs* that's just how life is. i guess as long as you're happy with you and your life, that's all that matters?

spring's here! i guess that could be the cause for my extra giddyness when it comes to guys. eye candy, yummy! : D haha it's bad. some things are so ludicrous that it's funny.

i watched "grease" yesterday. geez i really like that movie! maybe because olivia newton john's character and i share the same name, or maybe it's just because there were some cute songs that i would want a guy to sing to me. but i really like the outfits she and john travolta wore to the dance. i want that dress.

oh and speaking of spring, i guess it's time for "spring showers." southern california has the weirdest weather considering it was like 90 degrees on monday and then 3 days later, there's thunder and lightning. and since i can't print out the bio study guide, i might as well take a nap : )

<3

2004-03-29T21:04:00.000-08:00

maybe - n.e.r.d

unfortunately we (jimmy, jackie, chris, edgar, eric, sharon and i) weren't able to see n.e.r.d and black eyed peas on saturday because we're not old enough. and my gutsy attempt with some bep crew members didn't work, so we ended up doing random stuff in sd. eric bought some singles' ads thinking it was porn and chris put them on windshields. later we trunked the two and listened to their conversation about surface tension and whatnot. then we headed back to the irvine spectrum and whatever. i think i had just as much fun during the trip there and back as we did in sd. for example: "i want a mullet" - sharon. "watch out for the n*ggers!!" - me (trust me, i'm not really racist.)

eric and edgar started a whole conversation about ghosts and whatnot which got us all creeped out so everyone spent the night at chris's. eric is the biggest wimp in the world, no wonder he screams like a girl.

then yesterday i went over to sharon's to try to tan and do some homework. tanning was sorta successful and so was homework. but like always we ended up getting distracted by other things. i need to find a black guy who looks like shay. i need to save up money as well.

<3

2004-03-24T23:34:00.000-08:00

thing are getting better - n.e.r.d

the good and bad karma seems to be balancing out. i haven't been sick for a whole month and i'm sick this week. but i'm going to somehow make myself healthy tomorrow and saturday. friday can be spent being sick.

sharon and sandy's la adventure

random guy that reeked of mj cologne

sharon smelling him

pharrell's crotch

hahaha

orgy

awesome drive thru

the rest of the trip

<3

2004-03-21T19:30:00.000-08:00

brain - n.e.r.d

today i spent 4 hours with my mom driving around and whatnot. i think i brainwashed her into somewhat liking n.e.r.d. good stuff. we sorta bonded as well. my mom is awesome. i love her : D we bought food for my sister and dropped it off at her dorm. her dorm was nice, a little small though. i didn't get a chance to tour the place but it was pretty. *i found my motivation* my sister's been so much nicer since she's been at college. i actually like her. then my mom and i drove to tower on sunset. she was all surprised when she saw that nobody was lining up for the n.e.r.d cd, silly mom. *i am so motivated now* too bad candy's not cool enough to let me stay at her dorm monday night.

the one time that i spend the whole weekend with the groupies turns out to be a rather dull weekend. it was still fun though cause i got to chill with my fellow pimpster jackie : D

next week:
tuesday - "fly or die" and court
wednesday - alec's birdthday
thursday - jackie's birthday & n.e.r.d???
saturday - concert at sd

i'm all smiles : D

<3

2004-03-20T00:41:00.000-08:00

dance like this - wyclef jean

geez, it's early. so i'm updating, again. i'm addicted, but at least it's not a bad addiction.

the first thing i thought when i woke up this morning was "geez i can't wait to come home to take a nap," so that's exactly what i did. then pat came over for a little while. (did you know they have $1 big macs everyday at the mc donalds near our "secret gas station?") i was going to attempt to work out, but my lower ribs were bothering me so i decided not to. rested, ate dinner and rested again. then jackie calls me up to go "ghost hunting" with the usual people. getting packed in the backseat with 5 other people is uncomfy; my ribs hurt more now : T

next week is going to rock. i can't wait :D

*edit* i forgot to mention that i was the first girl to drive eric's car!! yay for me!!

<3

2004-03-18T20:56:00.000-08:00

always on my mind - phantom planet

i received by far the WEIRDEST phone call in the world. just as weird as the whole bill davis or whatever. *shudders* it was rather scary and i thought it was jackie who was prank calling me.

started school at regular time today. we should just have late start every week. everyone would be much happier.

we've got a little more than a month before prom. it should've been after all the stupid ap and ib tests, but NOOO! oh well. i need to get a dress. and maybe a date as well. geez i'm so dumb, giddy and girly but, sadies made me want to go to prom with ... him. bleh!!

i found out from george that ms. braviroff is the head of some shiba inu dog rescue group of southern california. i'm glad to know that she has other hobbies besides playing hearts, starcraft, and cars.

<3

2004-03-17T21:39:00.000-08:00

infatuation - christina aguilera

i was reading a few of my entries from december, january and whatever. i've changed enormously. i think i've become a lot bitchier. oops haha. my heart has become colder and i'm definitely not my old hopeless romantic self. maybe this is just another phase that i'm going through.

my mom's been somewhat supportive of me recently, it's actually quite suprprising. unfortunately, she likes to think realistically. to her, i'm just going to be doing everything in vain. but i think it's worth a shot. i am SO determined. "begin with the end in mind."

aaron's coming back tomorrow.
geez, i miss him like the world.

next week is gonna be a busy week. gotta keep focus!!

<3

2004-03-16T18:48:00.000-08:00

time to say goodbye - andrea bochelli

italian songs sound beautiful. italian food is delicious. i can so picture myself marrying an italian guy. or maybe just a guy who cooks really good italian food haha.

geez i wish i could be in two places at once for one day.
grrr what a dilemma.
damn it, i'm half devastated : (
if only my dad knew how to speak english ...
being rational sucks (sometimes).

ps: i hate us history.

*edit*

"just have fun.. play guys and have them buy things for you.. thats how it should be.. "
^ lol, i like that way of thinking :D

<3

2004-03-15T23:15:00.000-08:00

for pat or anyone else that's having a bad day : )

2004-03-14T13:45:00.000-08:00

do you only wanna dance - mya

i'm infatuated with latin jazz. i really want to learn how to salsa. the music is so rich and the vibe is contagious. it's great : )

partied two days in a row this weekend. i guess i made up for lost time. my legs are wiped out.

friday, went to brea to try to shop, but we ended up doing ... nothing. then went to some nogales party because jimmy and eric were dj-ing. it seemed a little wack at first, but it was pretty decent. it was quite uhh, interesting ...

saturday, hung out with my brother *no pun intended*. then we met up with jackie and eric for a while. came home and then went to sharon's to get ready. left to school but then i had to trunk it cause the stupid rent-a-cops were anal with tickets and stuff. stupid speed bumps hurt my head. everybody finally met up and took pictures. (sorry helen!! we love you!!) it was as hot as a ... well it was just freaking hot inside the gym. but overall, it was awesome. dude, this was my first dance in my three years at school, how sad is that haha. afterwards, everyone went to dennys to eat and that was all ... but yeah, thanks jackie for being a super cool date!

*edit* sadies pictures

<3

2004-03-10T23:43:00.000-08:00

... you gotta get that dirt off your shoulder ...

jay-z is a very talented man. britton reminds me of him.

i like wanton soup. today i looked up "wanton" in the dictionary. wanton soup will never again have the same meaning.

sometimes i feel that my life is an endless deja vu. some things happen again and again ... and again. rather boring don't you think? there are some people that are just plain stupid and never listen. others are just frauds. some people get mad because you don't tell them enough. just a little bit on the intrusive side.

i can't believed it happened three times with you. geez, what a loser.

... how's that for spontaneity?

i'm not on good terms with my mom right now.

enough of the random bitching. for now.

<3

2004-03-09T18:05:00.000-08:00

ghetto superstar - pras, odb, mya

today was hot. not as hot as the past 2 days, but nonetheless still hot. my room is stuffy and it makes me indolent and sleepy.

i was in a surprisingly good mood today considering the amount of sleep i had. i like how sometimes the littlest things can lift your spirits : ) good mornings set the mood for a wonderful day.

<3

2004-03-07T19:49:00.000-08:00

honey - mariah

the weather's starting to warm up. heat + ridiculous gas prices = cutting back on the a/c. paying less than two dollars for a gallon of gas could almost be considered a luxury. thank goodness for costco gas and the awesome mpg for my car. speaking of, he needs a wash.

hopefully today is the last day of my period. being/feeling sick EVERY 4 weeks gets is such a freakin drag. on top of that, my back aches and i hope it gets better soon. it sucks to be broken.

i had another dream about him; that makes four. it's official, either i'm madly in love with him or i'm just mentally ill. it's rather difficult to distinguish one from the other

i saw "passion" the other day. it was good.

my brother is 12 years old and within a 2 or 3 weeks, he had grown about 2 inches and is now taller than me. i'm sad. i remember 3 years ago, my family doctor said that i was going to be around 5'7 or so. stupid sousaphone stunted my growth.

highlight of my weekend: buying curtains for my room.
now all i have to do is figure out how to take off those dumb blinds. i wish i was dandy at crafty home improvement and diy things. i certainly do not trust myself with electrical tools, would you? i must seek help.

hi pat. see you tomorrow.

: D

<3

2004-03-03T21:23:00.000-08:00

keep on singing my song - xtina

i've forgotten how much i love that album. i can relate to just about everything she sings about. i think it's quite inspirational. this is the first time that i've been truly happy in ... well, it's been long enough.
i love it : D

<3

2004-03-03T16:06:00.000-08:00

you are so gonna get served ...

2004-03-02T23:57:00.000-08:00

: T

2004-02-29T19:38:00.000-08:00

okay i'm in a much better mood than before.

some people are delusional. i could be delusional sometimes as well. i just don't think that i'm as bad as them. maybe i'm worse, who knows? : D

i do make an effort and try sometimes. i did my part so it's just "whatevers" now : )

i'd figure people are just going to be the way they are. i can't change them so i might as well go do my own thing. i'm not gonna let anyone bring me down, especially you : D

2004-02-29T16:22:00.000-08:00

first love - utada hikaru

happy leap year day

i feel like a hermit. i don't like talking on the phone. i don't even remember that last time i called someone. i haven't been hanging out with friends. all i've been doing mostly is sleeping, which is pretty pathetic but necessary. hmm i guess i'm in my cynical "some people are so ..." phase again that i'd rather spend time by myself instead of going out with people.

yes i must be a hermit. i've lost all inspiration. no motivation. everyday is the same as the last. well at least i can now spend my time trying to "focus" on schoolwork so that i can hopefully get into a good college. then hopefully i will be able to find a decent paying job and be able to live my life comfortably. i would like to have an enjoyable job, but the chances of that are slim to none. so, will i ever be happy? maybe i expect too much. and i guess it's partly my fault for not putting effort into anything. but frankly i'm not too keen about being enthusiastic at all because in the end everything gets fucked up.

sorry for the bad mood, i just need some inspiration or motivation.

i hope that at least you will have a nice day today.

<3

2004-02-28T11:37:00.000-08:00

seven days - craig david

my father dropped by again. i hadn't seen him in 2 weeks. he got car jacked and needs to buy a new car. apparently he MUST buy a camry or something because he wouldn't settle for anything small like a civic. and THAT is why he's been showing up lately, in order to get an advancement in whatever kind of payments he gets. yeah i feel bad for the guy that he got car jacked, but who does he think he is to demand money to be ready for him in a few days. he should be thankful that he doesn't have to pay child support for 2 kids, because it would put a fairly BIG hole in his pocket. i never understood him and i never will. how sad.

but anyways ... good morning : ) i had 12 hours of sleep and i feel good.

i had my weekly routine at b&n again. this time wasn't as "scholarly" because i got distracted by the pretty dresses in the teen magazines. however i did manage to find an article for my econ commentary, but i didn't want to buy the entire magazine, so i'm going back with my camera.

i got a haircut yesterday. the lady found three strands of gray hair. damn, i am way too young for this.

thank you frank for the cd.

hi pat. i realized that this is pretty much a one-way conversation. but that's okay cause i like to talk a lot, and i guess you like to listen? but anyways, have a nice weekend!

oh yeah and note to self ... you're crazy : D

<3

2004-02-26T16:55:00.000-08:00

showin my support

2004-02-25T22:45:00.000-08:00

i get it. i always want what i can't have.

2004-02-25T21:19:00.000-08:00

simple love - jay chou

hi pat in the hat. i saw you today after school at the gas station. you know if you wanted to stalk me, you could've just asked. i take back what i said about that guy today. yeah, it was a fluke. i was temporarily insane because that's just ... uhh gross. see you tomorrow : )

happy birthday to chris (today) and james (yesterday)

<3

2004-02-24T21:01:00.000-08:00

take it from here - jt

i still felt like throwing up today. whenever i'm sick, i tend to put schoolwork off. i've been sick practically since school started. in other words, i'm f*cked.

i had a dream that i went back to band and then sharon gave me a hug in front of everyone. that makes about no sense whatsoever, but yeah.

i was shopping the other day and i passed by the rainforest cafe. there was a parrot there that was yellow and green. he reminded me of a certain someone. not because they share the same name, but because he was barking like a dog : D

<3

2004-02-23T23:09:00.000-08:00

before i fall in love - coco lee

it's 3 times now. please get out of my head han. geez, i must be really obsessed with you or something ... how terrifying :*(

so all i did this weekend was improve my chinese. tried to read huck finn, but it just wasn't working for me. i went grocery shopping with my mom yesterday. she was sort of impressed with the amount of chinese i was speaking, score! she suggested that i go work at a boba place to improve my chinese haha. then she got all excited thinking about the free food or discounts i could get her ... i love my mom, she's crazy.

so now i'm in my chinese-pop phase. well, more like jay chou phase. i think i've become addicted after all the time i spent at the boba place, which is not a lot, but still a good chunk of time. besides, it's nice and relaxing. and not to mention that it boosts my self-esteem when i can actually understand what they're saying. yes i know, i'm a loser.

and on top of that, i've been feeling weird lately. like my stomach feels like it hasn't even digested my lunch by the time dinner comes. and my sense of smell is really sensitive and the littlest things make me want to throw up, especially your face : D

school tomorrow, at least it's a four-day week : )

<3

2004-02-21T14:52:00.000-08:00

i'm a slave 4 u - britney

http://www.xanga.com/item.aspx?user=simplysandy&tab=weblogs&uid=65008059
^some chick that commented on my xanga. poor girl. she either has wayyy too much pride or just hasn't heard sarcasm before. oh well.

yesterday i came home, took a nap, and started the long process of cleaning out my room. halfway through "save the last dance" (surprisngly, it earned 3 stars), oliver was nice enough to pick me up to go chill with the guys : D went to ten rens as usual and met their friend kevin. i don't know what was more amusing: the fact that we were playing with mini mah jong or the fact that there was a white guy and a hispanic guy playing mah jong. hehe. and on top of that, i was speaking more chinese than usual. i'm getting fobbier and fobbier everytime i hang out with them ... which is really weird, but yeah. it was a nice chill day today.

<3

2004-02-19T22:26:00.000-08:00

baby: i told sharon that you look like a taiwanese pop star
and she laughed
SP: haha
she won't be laughing after i ....
baby: no, she'll probably just laugh harder
SP: no
baby: okay hunny, if telling yourself that makes you feel better
SP: nah i am hot
u noe it
haha

^ the poor guy is delusional; he needs some professional help : D

today i went to see "la boheme" with french people, well more like people that take french. it was an italian opera with english subtitles. it was just your typical love story where the girl has an illness and dies. i would've enjoyed it more if i wasn't in my "anti-romance" phase and if i had gotten more than 3 hours of sleep the night before. too bad we didn't get to see the asian girl play the lead. i have a newfound respect for opera singers and actors in general.

THREE DAY WEEKEND!

<3

2004-02-18T22:36:00.000-08:00

everything - fefe dobson

could it be true that if you say a false statement enough times, you begin to accept it as true? i think that it could be possible because the subconscious mind could be a very tricky thing. no more hunny buns, it's getting too weird.

this morning i had the most complex 8 minute dream ever. first i dreamt that a little japanese girl was showing me around her city which had been bombarded. then i envisioned myself as a japanese man who was condemned for being friends with a white man.

i've noticed a trend of having stressful dreams whenever my life is hectic. the dreams then make me even more stressed because i lack the relaxation during sleep. help.

now it's almost 1040 and i have yet to begin on my homework. english, bio, french.

<3

2004-02-17T22:50:00.000-08:00

all cried out - allure f. 112

today sucked. thank you sweetie pie for always being there. i miss you a lot.

sharon! you're pharrell and i'm chad!! hahaha.

tiff, you'd better get started on writing that letter. i need him to make things better.

<3

2004-02-16T17:03:00.000-08:00

hey mama - bep

friday - was feeling bad enough and then felt even worse. the car door was slammed closed on my right hand/wrist so it swelled up, i think i sprained it. and my finger got messed up as well. once again i am broken.

saturday - had some drama to start off the day. it's like a shadow that follows me around everywhere. went to the mall with my super awesome buddy alec. i was wiped out after an hour, that was pretty pathetic. we ate some chilis and oliver came over as well. then went to meet up with everyone at a party in chino. it was the crappiest party ever. nobody was dancing, except for us. so we left to stater bros, and then to sharons. tiff, yvonne, sharon and i just chilled while everyone else left to wherevers. i definitely need to chill with the girls more often.

sunday - woke up and watched more tv haha. mxc is the greatest show ever. we <3 spike tv. i went home when tiff and twin were napping, sorry guys. then later i went with alec, oliver and their friend to get some boba. then went back and watched some movies. eyes wide shut is a really strange movie, but i guess you would enjoy it if you like boobs.

last night i dreamt that oliver was in the mob and i went with him on a stakeout because they had to kill some guy. some guy named roy was angry because i couldn't remember his name. then the indian guy was annoyed because i said all indian names sounded the same. i had fun despite how mean and scary everyone was. i sure do have weird dreams : D

<3

2004-02-12T19:25:00.000-08:00

the hook up - britney

i was extrememly blunt and straightforward today, more so than usual. i think i came off being mean and coldhearted instead. oops! perhaps i should keep more things to myself. but then when i do keep things to myself, i tend to become really agitated, annoyed and stressed. today in class while i was combing out knots in my hair with my fingers, i pulled a clump of hair out. it was painful and depressing. i guess i've been really overwhelmed with stress or something.

i've now remembered 2 dreams in a row. yesterday's having to deal with running away from home, asking a hot guy out, walking up a big hill to a party and then watching a dance/strip-off. today's was about taking a sort of behind-the-wheel training mixed with seeing an orange store with a bunch of orange cars. oh and sisco had an almost broken down black rx7 convertible that he bought for $452 that came with a huge detachable steering wheel that was wrapped with duct tape.

in other news, i was making homemade valentines in bio today. i only made two, but they were the best valentines ever!! :D karima and jeff are the funnest bio buddies ever. oh and then there's mike who's "ehhh" but still semi-fun i suppose.

i LOVE hugs. hugs are good. and yummy!!!

i think that after pursuing love for so long, i've somehow reverted to being anti-romantic, well for the time being. i'm going through a phase of being impatient. i like things straight forward. i don't have time for secrets or games. there's no time for indecisiveness. it's either one or the other. time's a-wasting!

today i finally wore the ucla shirt that candy gave me for xmas. i guess she's not that bad of a sister. but then again, i was incredibly mean today. perhaps there's some sort of a connection ...

<3

2004-02-09T22:44:00.000-08:00

you promised me - ingrid

i slept from 12 am to 3 am. i've been awake since 3 am with the exception of 10 or 15 mintues, but that's like 19+ hours. and believe it or not, i'm not that tired.

school was alright.
math: dumb project, besides that everything is decent.
english: "like water" was a weird, but good book. i really don't want to read "huck finn" but ehhh.
bio: stupid me forgot to copy answers for one chapter and i got an 88 on my packet : \ must get an A this semester. the labs are so pointless, it's not like anyone actually does it anyway.
french: it's decent, must get an A as well.
renaissance: gotta do my misson statement and also gotta get my basket thing done, grrr.
econ: despite the little sleep i had, i stayed awake today and i ACTUALLY understood the concepts. i definitely reached an economic epiphany today : D
history: i was so close to being awake the whole day, but the last 15 minutes i was drifiting in and out of consciousness. so close but SO FAR!!
night lab: consisted of doing nothing with my super cool and super smart lab partners (mike, tommy, & zubair) and watching a video.

hmmm what can i do about it? it's what i feel and i can't change that, no matter how hard i wish. trust me, i feel worse than you could imagine.

<3

2004-02-08T19:38:00.000-08:00

rush

life is chaotic. everytime i feel calm and comforted after a nice, soothing day, everything turns into ruins. yesterday was a nice experience, but then it turned into hell. i guess this is just what i deserve? i'm SO sorry : ( school and hw suck. i gotta get my room in order.

<3

2004-02-07T11:34:00.000-08:00

juliet - the pillows

( even though i have no idea what they're saying besides "juliet, don't cry," it just puts me in a good mood : P )

well yeterday i was really stressed out, so i decided to go to b&n. i wasn't planning to stay long, but i ended up being there for 3 1/2 hours haha. i felt an unexpected feeling of relaxation when i walked in the door. it was just like all the stress had been lifted off my back : D i walked out feeling confused, but in a good sort of way. for the first time in a long while, i'm actually SATISFIED with MYSELF.

i accept myself, my thoughts and my emotions, as well as my faults, my imperfections and my flaws.

because as hard as i could try, i can't possibly be anyone except for myself.

this is WHO i am, and if you can't accept that, i'm sorry.

Experience Love for Yourself
Stay open. Keep loving yourself. Know you are a vital part of a living universe. Watch how much better, how much kinder life is, as you grow in peace and harmony with yourself. See how much more love is mirrored in the universe since you committed to loving yourself.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUJIN!!!

<3

2004-02-06T18:06:00.000-08:00

one day at a time - tupac & eminem

i finally watched "fight club." that was f-ing great. gotta love brad pitt, talk about sexy : D yummy. it was a little darker than what i had expected, but still loved how cynical it was.

geez, days like this make me go *grrr* ... thanks for helping me realize just how foolish and naive i am. i must be so incredibly FUCKING stupid for me not to see that i am indeed cluess.

thank you for knocking some sense into me.

<3

2004-02-05T20:48:00.000-08:00

ride on shooting star

i love my friends. you guys are the bestest!!

got my sat score back. well verbal was horrific but at least i kicked some kind of ass in math. only 80 pts away from my goal, so watch out march sats! i'm so gonna OWN YOU!! or at least i'll die trying.

school sucks. 3 more months till ap/ib tests. and then 1 more month till summer! yay!!

<3

2004-02-04T21:20:00.000-08:00

hey mama - bep

handle your scandal. gotta love that song and that quote.

hmmm the things i wish i could do. i've still got 1 year 7 months 1 day left. sucks to be impatient. geez. but i know that one day i'll look back and think "why was i so eager to grow up?". ai yah, so stressful.

*note to self: stay away from guys

<3

2004-02-02T17:29:00.000-08:00

let's get retarded - black eyed peas

today is the first time that i haven't taken a nap before night lab. well actually, i haven't been getting much sleep at all. i've been having weird or just disturbing dreams that keep me from getting a good night's riest. it all started with han and the whole hair thing, ewww. and then the whole taking dead bodies home and trying to take a picture of them *shudders*. and then there's the running around in my dreams, etc.

but i've been talking to sensai a lot lately. it's been really helpful in relieving stress. things are slowly beginning to make sense, believe it or not. arigato gozaimasu(?). the pesstimistic me was just a silly little phase.

but i still don't know what i want in my life right now. things are so hectic and i just want to chill. i've learned that things can't always be in a neat little package. plans are bad sometimes. spontaneity, you are welcome to take over anytime.

<3

2004-02-01T21:52:00.000-08:00

before i fall in love - coco lee

happy birthday nguyen!

geez, i get kind of sad when i come home at 11:30pm and i realize that my own mother is still out playing mahjong. *shakes head in shame* my mom is a party animal.

i missed the awesome super bowl halftime show. i didn't get to see jt. hopefully someone will have it on kazaa or whatever.

i'm worried. i haven't heard from him for almost an hour now. i pray that he's okay.

things to do: study for bio test. study for history quiz. rewrite essay. possibly start on french project.

i wonder what time i'm going to be sleeping tonight.

<3

2004-01-28T18:31:00.000-08:00

get up on you - kaila yu (click for video)

personally, i think that her singing lowers her attractiveness. she should just stick to modelling. i guess it just goes to show that anything is possible just as long as you're rich and famous or you're just lucky enough to know the right people.

i need a topic for my extended essay. i need to collect data or better yet make up data for my math project. i need to study for the stupid bio quiz. i need to study for the history quiz. i need sleep.

so many things to do, so little time. i'll prioritze ... naptime!

2004-01-26T22:54:00.000-08:00

learn chinese - jin

after hearing a lot about how talented he is, i finally heard/saw his stuff today on mtv jamz. i thought it was pretty entertaining and it was a good laugh. but props to him for being the first asian music artist to make it to mainstream. i mean, you must be big, or just rich, for your video to make it onto mtv jamz.

in other news, today is the beginning of my first time being sick this year. 25 days of being healthy has got to be some sort of record for me.

today during bio lab, i actually read a chapter all by myself without anyone telling me to keep on task. and i almost finished a packet as well. i was so productive :D but unfortunately, i got a 4 out of 10 on my history quiz today. geez, if landis teaches hl history next year, i will protest and petition until there is no tomorrow. but i pray to God that it wouldn't have to come to that.

i am so terribly sorry for getting you sick. a thousand apologies.

<3

2004-01-25T18:43:00.000-08:00

can't hold us down - xtina

geez, this double standard in society makes me go *grrr*. i can't wait till i go to college, or at somewhere else where i can escape this high school drama.

this weekend was nicely spent with john, alec, and oliver. it was a nice break from the usual stress of daily life. hanging out with oliver makes me ashamed that i can't speak chinese fluently, so now i'm actually going to put forth an effort to speak it more often. i've also realized that my hand-eye coordination is horrible, so i will try to improve at that as well. (damn you keyboard game.) we watched "along came polly," which i liked a lot.

i've noticed a shift from "stability" to "spontaneity." there's only a year and a half of high school left. i figure i'd better study hard but still live it up. and as much as i like boys (hehe :D) they're too much of a distraction for me. i've had enough drama to last me the rest of my high school career. i don't want to be tied down with any commitments to anyone; that's just to much for me to handle at this point in time. i just want to live a happy and free life. carpe diem. so if anyone is interested in joining me, go right on ahead.

<3

2004-01-22T22:32:00.000-08:00

what it's like to be me - britney

okay so my grades are pretty much 4 b's and 3 c's. that's the worst i've ever done in my entire life. it's pretty damn pathetic. but it's a new semester, a new beginning. hopefully i'll do decent on the 9-chapter bio test tomorrow.

am i really that bad of a person? wait scratch that, i probably am. i just don't "realize the extent of my mistakes." geez, maybe there should just be a rule forbidding me to associate with the opposite sex in any way, shape, or form. wouldn't that just solve everything?

hello pat in the hat.

<3

2004-01-19T20:58:00.000-08:00

no more drama - mary j blige

geez i've had the worst grades ever this semester. if i'm lucky, the worst will be getting 3 c's. worse case scenario: 3 c's and 1 d. this is my resolution for next semester, get all a's except in history and maybe econ. if i don't achieve my goal, i will receive a 3 hour lecture from my mom after seeing my grades.

2004-01-19T03:40:00.000-08:00

SHARON - i know we haven't talked in a few weeks or so, but nonetheless you are still my best friend. thank you for your willingness to listen to my problems and to help me come up with the best solution. you were always that little voice in my mind that's trying to tell me to do the right thing. i'm sorry for never having listened to you, because in then end, i only make the situation worse. you are truly one in a million.

RYAN - why didn't you warn me to stay away from the beginning??? just kidding, it's not like i would've listened anyways. it's not like i listen even now. thank you for everything. remember all those times going to mcdonalds and that one time we went to the beach. "what? no ice??" thank you for cheering me up when i needed it most. you are a good person and one day you will find the person who is deserving of all of your love. i will never forget you bryman.

AARON - you're always there for me when i feel down. thank you so much. even though you are a thousand miles away, whenever i talk to you it feels like you're giving me a big hug and making everything all better again. i miss you so much. i'm sorry to hear how things are going for you, i hope that things get better as soon as possible. you are one of the most kind hearted peoeple i've ever met, and hopefully you will remain that way for the rest of your life. we need sensitive people like you in the world.

SISCO - i'm sorry for ruining your life. you were the best love i've ever had. i'm sorry that i rejected your love. you were too good for me.

WILLIE - i'm speechless. if only you knew what it would be like to be in my shoes for a day ...

2004-01-18T00:02:00.000-08:00

WHAT DOES YOUR NAME MEAN]? helper and defender of mankind
[HOW OLD ARE YOU]? 16
[DESCRIBE YOURSELF IN 5 WORDS]? optimistic, curious, liberal, dreamy, fun
[WHAT ARE YOUR WORST QUALITIES]? i can be a bitch
[HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE YOU TO GET READY IN THE MORNING]? 10 mins and i'm ready for school

[DO YOU DREAM AT NIGHT]? yup
[DO YOU REMEMBER YOUR DREAMS]? sometimes
[DESCRIBE ONE]? last night i dreamt that i keyed willie's car

[WHAT TIME DO YOU GO TO BED USUALLY]? after 1
[WHAT TIME DO YOU WAKE UP NORMALLY]? 6:20
[WHAT TIME DO YOU WAKE ON WEEKENDS]? somewhere between 10 and 12
[DO YOU FIND WAKING LATE NICE OR ANNOYING]? usually it's nice
[DO YOU SLEEP WITH ONE PILLOW OR TWO]? one

[DO YOU LIKE SCHOOL]? if only i had regular classes, i'd love it
[WHAT'S YOUR FAVE SUBJECT]? renaissance ... and math haha
[MOST HATED SUBJECT]? history
[DO YOU HAVE A FAVE TEACHER]? this year it's donee, bosanko is cool too
[EVER HAD A CRUSH ON A TEACHER]? i've never had a hot teacher, so nope
[ARE YOU A MATH AND SCIENCE PERSON OR AN ENGLISH AND DRAMA PERSON]? math & science

[DO YOU HAVE HEAPS OF FRIENDS]? i wouldn't say heaps, but i guess
[DO YOU HAVE A BEST FRIEND]? nope
[DO YOU HAVE MORE GUY FRIENDS OR MORE GIRL FRIENDS]? i think it's about the same?
[DO YOU EVER GET ANNOYED AT A FRIEND]? haha sometimes, but i still love them
[HAVE YOU EVER LIED TO A FRIEND]? probably? but not recently
[HAVE YOU EVER STOLEN A FRIEND'S BOYFRIEND OR GIRLFRIEND]? nope

[DO YOU LIKE YOUR PARENTS]? usually
[EVER RUN AWAY FROM HOME]? yes, but only for a day or two, besides i dont't think it counts cause my mom didn't notice
[EVER THOUGHT ABOUT IT]? yes
[DO YOU HAVE ANY SIBLINGS]? yup
[DO YOU FEEL YOUR PARENTS SPOIL YOU]? yes, i am spoiled
[DO YOU HAVE BIG FAMILY GET TOGETHERS EVER]? just on the major holidays

[DO YOU HAVE A RELIGION]? nope
[DO YOU PRACTICE IT OR GO TO CHURCH]? no
[DO YOU BELIEVE IN GOD]? yes
[JESUS]? i think so
[HEAVEN]? it's getting fuzzy now
[HELL]? it's really fuzzy now
[IF YOU DIED TOMORROW WHAT DO YOU BELIEVE WILL HAPPEN TO YOU]? well if there is a hell, i might go there, i'd hope not though
[DOES DEATH SCARE YOU]? yes, but sometimes it doesn't

[HAVE YOU EVER BEEN DRUNK]? yes
[TAKEN DRUGS]? nope
[STOLEN]? yup
[TRIED TO COMMIT SUICIDE]? yes
[LIED TO A BOYFRIEND OR GIRLFRIEND]? yes
[GOTTEN INTO A FIGHT]? unfortunately
[ARE YOU MORE INNOCENT OR GUILTY]? depends on what
[WOULD YOU DATE A DRUG ADDICT]? no
[HAVE YOU EVER HAD TO LOOK AFTER SOMEONE WHO WAS A DRUG ADDICT]? nope
[ARE YOU RACIST]? of course not
[ARE YOU DISCRIMINATORY TO ANYONE]? just stupid ignorant people, thats all :)
[HAVE YOU BEEN A HYPOCRITE IN THE PAST]? yes, unintentionally
[DO YOU HAVE AN OPEN OR CLOSED MIND TO OTHER PEOPLE'S BELIEFS AND FEELINGS]? my mind is wide open

[DO YOU WATCH TONS OF TV]? yes, lots of mtv
[HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BEEN TO THE MOVIES IN THE PAST 12 MONTHS]? more than i should
[DO YOU LISTEN TO THE RADIO OFTEN]? of course
[DO YOU READ THE NEWSPAPER]? nope
[DO YOU READ MAGAZINES]? yup
[ARE YOU A COUCH POTATO]? sometimes
[DO YOU USE THE INTERNET TOO MUCH]? probably

[WHAT'S YOUR FAVE STYLE OF MUSIC]? hiphop, rb, pop, punk, but my favortie right now is latin jazz
[DO YOU PLAY AN INSTRUMENT]? yup
[DO YOU SING]? yes, but not very well
[WHAT'S YOUR FAVE BAND]? n/a
[HAVE YOU MET THEM BEFORE]? n/a
[NAME 3 CDS THAT YOU'VE BOUGHT IN THIS YEAR]? n/a

[WHAT'S YOUR FAVE SPORT]? swim, vball
[WHAT'S YOUR FAVE SPORT TO WATCH]? bball
[DO YOU HAVE A FAVE TEAM OF ANY SORT]? lakers
[DO YOU PLAY ANY SPORTS]? nope
[EVER WON ANYTHING FOR SPORT]? swim, that was years ago

[ARE YOU FUNNY OR SERIOUS]? usually funny
[CREATIVE OR NOT]? creative
[LOGICAL THINKER OR LATERAL THINKER]? logical
[ARE YOU OUTGOING OR SHY]? outgoing
[ARE YOU LAZY OR ACTIVE]? i'm lazy
[HAVE YOU EVER BEEN HYPERACTIVE]? yes
[ARE YOU A NATURALLY HYPERACTIVE PERSON]? nope
[ARE YOU HAPPY WITH THE WAY YOU LOOK]? eh can't complain
[WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE]? am i supposed to list it all here?
[DO YOU WEAR MAKEUP REGULARLY]? yup
[DO YOU HAVE A LARGE WARDROBE]? yes, but i only wear like 1/4 of it. geez i'm wasteful

[YOUR ALL TIME MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT]? my life in general, but i don't consider it THAT embarrassing :D
[EVER SNORTED DRINK OUT YOUR NOSE]? nope
[EVER GIGGLED LIKE AN IDIOT]? of course
[EVER EMBARRASSED YOURSELF AND PRETENDED NOTHING HAPPENED]? haha yeah
[EVER TRIPPED IN FRONT OF SOMEONE YOU LIKED]? probably
[EVER SAID SOMETHING REALLY STUPID]? all the time
[EVER SNORTED WHILE LAUGHING]? nope, but choked yes
[EVER FALLEN OFF A BED]? yes
[EVER SLEEPWALKED]? not that i know of
[EVER SLEEPTALKED]? yes, last night

[WHAT'S THE WEIRDEST MEMORY YOU HAVE]? geez, my whole life is weird
[DO YOU HAVE A GOOD MEMORY]? not anymore
[WHAT'S THE COOLEST HOLIDAY YOU REMEMBER HAVING]? ... xmas was nice haha

[WHO IS YOUR BEST GIRL FRIEND]? sharon
[DO YOU GET ALONG WITH PEOPLE EASILY]? for the most part
[WHO HAVE YOU KNOWN THE LONGEST]? yvonne, i think

2004-01-17T22:52:00.000-08:00

i've been xangafied

2004-01-13T22:52:00.000-08:00

me myself and i
that's all i got in the end
that's what i foudn out
and it ain't no need no to cry
i took a vow that from now on
i'm gonna be my own best friend

ha, life sure is funny.
guys suck. well most guys suck, only a few are cool.
"ain't no pain like from the opposite sex" - frank

2004-01-11T22:22:00.000-08:00

toxic - britney

this weekend was good. i did everything except study for finals. i think it'd be a good idea for me to start on my homework and studying. three finals a day is way too much, damn walnut bastards. the damn group 4 project by far one of the dumbest projects ever. hopefully we get a good grade on it. ib sucks.

life is so stressful. i need to end this soap opera now. i think i need to be alone for a while. sorry sharon, i broke my promise, again. once again i let everything f*ck my life over. i think i have three options:
1. become independent and learn self respect/control/etc
2. change my sexual preference
3. abstain from contact with human kind.
or maybe just a mix of everything would be healthy, but perhaps excluding the change of sexual preference.

2004-01-04T15:12:00.000-08:00

survivor - destiny's child

school starts tomorrow, well at least there's only 2 more weeks before a three day weekend? but then again finals are in 2 weeks. i've just gotta keep one thing in mind, delayed gratification. *breathe in, breathe out*

my break in some incoherent thoughts:
drama. bunny. drama. racing. drama. driving. drama. sleep

i've learned long ago to accept the fact that my life is a drama. i don't regret anything. everything that has happened was a result of my own choices and decisions, good and bad. i'm finally learning to take responsibility for my indecisiveness and my weaknesses. although it is quite tough to learn when you've fucked up so much that everyone else in the world has given up on you. but that's okay because i've also learned that ultimately, the only person that you can rely on is yourself, and maybe family as well.

yesterday i went to the races. there was at least 300 people there, it was awesome. an sti with a good enough driver should be able to take on an srt anyday. the way that the sti launched was crazy. but the prelude with the t3/t4 was nice, damn. oh how i love the rush of speed : D

2004-01-01T18:22:00.000-08:00

happy new year!

yesterday was great. went over to alec's for a while. i haven't seen those people in a long time, that was nice. then went over to tiff's wtih everyone else. we had our countdown in the street and then chilled at pat's. it was great. new years resolutions: i don't have any, i've never kept them anyways.

2003-12-27T22:11:00.000-08:00

life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans
- john lennon

why must it be that you always want what you can't have"

i played with fire and i got burned

2003-12-25T21:39:00.000-08:00

this year - christina

merry christmas everyone!

i was really excited about the holiday season after thanksgiving, but apparently i've seemed to run out of the christmas spirit after a few days. there have been some downsides to this christmas, but all in all, things have been good. before you know it, new years will be here and then it's back to school again. i need a REAL vacation, one that is truly free of stress and other unpleasant things.

toodles! *kiss kiss*

2003-12-23T01:12:00.000-08:00

for all time - soluna

sheesh what a hectic week. things haven't been so great, but today definitely made things 100% better. i came home to cubby's christmas present waiting for me at the door. it has the softest white fur and the cutest little pink ears ever! i love my bunny, it's the most adorable thing. it doesn't have a name yet, but for now i'm calling it pooper. thank you cubby : )

toodles! *kiss kiss*

2003-12-16T20:19:00.000-08:00

i do - 98 degrees

HAPPY ONE MONTH BABY

today was one of the best days, ever.
first of all, i couldn't stop smiling since i woke up.
i opened my locker this morning to a stuffed animal, a bear to be exact, and a dozen pink roses.
then at lunch we had a picnic with pasta and apple cider, in wine glasses.
how perfect was that?
unfortunately other stuff kinda interferred but all in all today was a great day.

<3 through thick and thin.. through the best and through the worst, through the toils, disappointments, hardships, and challenges we'll face, through nething and everything... we'll make it through together ... as long as you're by my side along the whole way <3
- cubby

toodles! *kiss kiss*

2003-12-14T12:58:00.000-08:00

loving me for me - xtina

lots has happened. last week my car was in an accident in the school parking lot. i've been really sick the last 2 weeks off and on. i fell asleep at 9 on friday night and woke up at 11 on saturday morning, missing my saturday school. i am f*cked. my throat is swollen and looks absolutely disgusting. it hurts to talk, hurts to eat, and just hurts all the time. my house is a giant icecube. i still need to get a few more gifts for christmas. my mom is sick. i'm wearing 3 layers of clothing including a big jacket and i'm still cold. yesterday i went with ryan, ashley, mike, britton, danielle and krystal to have a bonfire at the park. hot dogs and smores are yummy. i'm craving smores right now. i just realized that it is drizzling, no wonder it's so freakin cold. and through everything that's happened in the last month, sisco was always there for me. what more could i ask for in a boyfriend? thank you God.

toodles! *kiss kiss*

2003-12-02T18:18:00.000-08:00

outrageous - britney

thursday - thanksgiving! my family went to a park in pasadena to help serve food. there was a ton of people there, to help and to eat. i was personally amazed at how many people showed up to help, i guess people aren't so bad after all. i felt really bad for the homeless people, but it was nice that i could do a little something to help them out : ) then later went to my aunt's house for thanksgiving dinner. afterwards, my cubby picked me up so that we could spend a little while together and he surprised me with a rose that he picked : D what a cutie.

friday - today was by far the earliest i have ever woken up ... to go shopping! haha. despite me and sharon's "earliness" we managed to get to the mall by 8ish, which wasn't that early, but it was pretty damn good for our standards. shopped for about 4 hours, and i managed to get some of my shopping done. too bad i didn't have my list, or i would've been more successful. but all in all it was a good day. the highlight of the day was when we saw a guy from a&f who was modeling SHIRTLESS. hot damn!!! that SO made my day : D then we went back to her house, chilling for the longest time. afterwards, staci joined us and then we went to the block. it was pretty boring there, and we were all pretty broke. project s! we then left and headed to richards to meet up with everyone else. i felt kinda tired so i just opted to come home and watch sportscenter with cubby hehe.

saturday - woke up late. did homework. i couldn't wait for nighttime to come cause cubby and i had a great date planned out. unfortunately, willie managed to screw up my life as usual. basically what happened was that he rolled up to my house with some friends, demanding something from me while he still owed me money. he ran into the house and foolish me, i tried to stop him. i ended up getting a few bruises on my knees and my elbows, a sore butt cheek, and a sore back. cubby came as soon as he heard and our plans got cancelled : ( but i was still thankful to have him there to make things better. i love you.

sunday - woke up late. talked to a lot of people. by the time i got home i was just pooped. cubby came over to say hello, but was stuck here cause he locked his keys in the car, silly boy. so he stayed over for dinner and helped wash the dishes : ) then after he left, i got lectured again and some asshole wouldn't stop calling me.

monday - ... scroll down for monday's entry ... oh and i went with cubby to go run some errands and it was pretty fun : ) and we didn't get lost because of my super great sense of direction hehe.

today - got sat. school because of missing school yesterday, oh well. at least i didn't have to go to detention today because of my dentist appointment. i was this close to falling asleep there because my back felt sooo good just to lie down. then went to the mall to pick up something and just walked around with my brother. we had a great time rapping together in the car, he's becoming a lil g now haha. IF ANY OF YOU WOULD LIKE TO TAKE YOUR ANGER OUT ON A BRAND NEW RED 04 DODGE SRT-4 WITH A CARBON FIBER FRONT LIP FROM NELSON DODGE, FOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER, GO RIGHT AHEAD. oh and don't worry if the person driving it looks like my ex, cause it is : )

after searching so hard for the past two(?) years, i've finally realized that what i was looking for was right in front of my eyes the whole time ...

i love you francisco

2003-12-01T20:42:00.000-08:00

my life sucks right now. it doesn't completely suck, but it does suck a lot. i didn't go to school today. i was drained emotionally and physically. i figured that all i would do at school would be staring into space or just crying, and i would be sent home anyways. tomorrow i shall ask to see mr. code on a regular basis. and if it doesn't happen this time, then i guess i'm screwed and it'll just go to show how much walnut cares for its students. it's times like these when i wish that i had mom that i could talk to.

2003-11-30T16:21:00.000-08:00

ahhh!!! so much has happened, not enough time!!!
long story short: drama, again!?!?!?

but i just wanted to post something in the midst of all this chaos as a reminder of just how lucky i am ...

Cub: babee
i love you with all my heart
be the strong girl that i fell in love with and hang in there
i will always be at your side

i am truly blessed.
what more could i possibly wish for?

2003-11-27T09:52:00.000-08:00

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

this thanksgiving i am thankful for:
- my family
- my health
- the basic necessities of life
- my friends
- my boyfriend
and last, but the most important one
- my faith in God

2003-11-24T21:37:00.000-08:00

god must've spent a little more time on you - nsync

thank you for a wonderful weekend cubby : )

i went to french camp this week and i was just glad to get away from everything, although it meant even more work when i get back home. some five to ten minutes into our trip, when we had barely gotten onto the freeway and we were stuck in TRAFFIC, some girl got sick and threw up right outside the bathroom door. just delightful. not a pretty sight at all. then an hour or two later, she threw up again at the same place, b/c the bathroom was occupied. great. FINALLY arrived at big bear some 3 hours after departure. it was freakin cold! the camp was basically a camp with activities composed by mr. deshan. the people there were okay although some were extremely snobby. after experiencing french camp, i am sure glad to have deshan and jacquot as my teachers because they were the best. most of the teachers were decent, but it was pretty sad to see that eva was better than one or two of them. my french was pretty damn bad and i ended up speaking english for half of the trip. not to mention that i couldn't stop saying "que?". i think i've spoke more french after i've come back from camp than the whole time i was there. oh well hehe : )

toodles! *kiss kiss*

2003-11-18T20:38:00.000-08:00

lovely - michelle tumes

wow this is my first entry in a couple of days, could it mean that i'm actually starting to have a life now? ... nah, haha. it sure has been an eventful weekend. thank you ryan, john, and alec for being yourselves. i know i'm such a hassle with my immaturity and everything, but i greatly appreciate your kindness. it takes a lot of effort and patience to deal with me, so thank you : ) and also to angie, alec's sister, and mike for helping me too. words cannot express my gratitude to everyone for all they did. my cell phone broke because of a certain mishap, but i ended up getting a new phone yesterday. unfortunately, i lost all my numbers : ( oh well.

oh and the most wonderfulest surprise happened on sunday. i honestly could not stop smiling for a whole hour : D thank you. i <3 you.

other than that, i've got a pretty busy schedule for the next two weeks.

toodles! *kiss kiss*

2003-11-14T00:27:00.000-08:00

lonely - britney

i am so indecisive, what's wrong with me. i do, but i don't, then i do, then i don't. jeez my mind works in such a sporadic manner. school was so tedious and boring. pep rally tomorrow. the highlight of my day today was when john and alec came to visit me for the first time in forever! they helped me draw beautiful faces on paper plates. dang i really missed spending time with special ed. people like them hehe. i'm chillin, i'm chillin!

toodles! *kiss kiss*

2003-11-12T23:02:00.000-08:00

cupid - 112

dang, i have updated everyday for the past 3 days. i must be really stressed out. i haven't started my homework yet, but i need to clear my thoughts.

well today after school sharon and i got dollar boba, then headed back to her house and watched the rain fall from the sky. we entertained ourselves by looking at some old school yearbooks. we also went to visit our favorite brother patrick and kept him company for a while. then i came home. thanks for the chat twin, hopefully things will turn out in a favorable way.

AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sigh, much better. i'm so indecisive, but this time that's a bad thing. i just wish that for once in my life, i would make up my mind and decide what i want. but that's near impossible with me being the way that i am. i like spontaneousness at times, but i think that what i need right now is stability. maybe for the first time in a long while, i'm on my way to becoming independent once again. i guess for the past two years or so, i haven't been independent at all, always relying on other people, mainly guys. and as tough as it is, i need to take care for myself for once. this is going to be a big step for me by leaving my comfort zone and stepping out on my own. i know that i'll find the courage and the strength somehow to do that, but i haven't yet. life is so confusing. i wish people would just make up their mind, although that is a silly wish because even i can't make up my own mind. it's not really fair to expect something from others when i can't even do it myself. but it sure would make things a whole lot easier. but things are tough because life is tough. i don't think that i have truly learned to let go of myself. i haven't yet stopped looking for love and affection. as much as my heart desires to be loved, i must learn to accept that i'm not in the right place and time for that. love will find its way ... but it's hard to be patient. hopefully i'll learn patience as well. so as of this moment, i think i'm gonna let go, but in a good way. the people who i love and care for know what i feel for them, and it's not going to change. perhaps it's time for me to stop worrying and stop stressing about the minor details of life. some things in life would be nice to have, but sometimes you just have to learn how to deal without. and i guess that's the lesson i'm learning now ...
everything happens for a reason

toodles! *kiss kiss*

2003-11-11T18:10:00.000-08:00

i wanna hold your hands
review all your plans
i wanna make sure everyone of your dreams is there
i would be your broadway show on review
so i can act out how god was when he made you
i wanna be your lighthouse when you get lost
i'll light a bright and shiny path to help you across
i wanna be your mother, wait
see what I see
and when you see that can't nobody hold you like me
cause i love you

and so i find myself in some sort of a predicament. well i'll begin at the start of the day. let's just say that there's nothing better than waking up to a kiss. came home to something of a disturbance, but i got reverse indiglo gauges for my car, so i guess that evened things out a bit but not by much. went to the doctor's and he said that having my tonsils out may not affect my sore throat. i didn't really understand why, but yeah. had lunch with my mom and my brother and shopped for groceries. came home, took a nap, read some of house of the spirits, which is a slow but somewhat interesting book. did some math. took a nice break, and here i am. now i must finish the other half of my hw. damn you IOP!! see ya!

toodles! *kiss kiss*

2003-11-10T23:05:00.000-08:00

why not - hilary duff

i could be the one for you
maybe yes, maybe no
it could be the thing to do
what i'm saying is
you gotta let me know

... well yeah that pretty much sums up some stuff.
spent another 13 hours of nonstop learning today. my brain is fried but at least there's NO SCHOOL TOMORROW!!! well it's not like i have anything fun planned for tomorrow. just going to the doctors and then maybe some homework. my goal is to fit in at least an hour's worth of work on my iop tomorrow. don't worry about it, love will find its way.

toodles! *kiss kiss*

2003-11-08T17:23:00.000-08:00

all i ever wanted - mase

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RYAN!!!

yesterday was the rally. everything turned out pretty decent. between the 1st and 2nd rally, while i was talking to charlene and cecille, i stepped on something and i slipped, fell down 2 rows of the bleachers, and landed on my hip and my ass. so now my butt bone is all sore and hurt and everything else. i'm off to go celebrate my best friend's bday with him : )

toodles! *kiss kiss*

2003-11-05T19:56:00.000-08:00

you set me free - michelle branch

boba here, boba there, boba boba everywhere!
dollar boba today, whoo hoo! i'm definitely gonna make the most of this.
things have been looking better.
i'm starting to like those mushy love songs again. it feels nice : )
rally on friday!

toodles! *kiss kiss*

2003-11-04T18:49:00.000-08:00

the weather is cold. my room is cold. i am cold.
things seem so gloomy lately, and things have been gloomy.

once again i find my faith about to slip. yeah i know everything happens for a reason, but it's just kinda tough sometimes. it feels like that i've lost parts of me. i think i'm very naive in that i tend to think that everyone will "treat others the way they want to be treated." such a shame that our society can be described better with "cynical" rather than "utopian." i tend to give all of myself as a person in my relationships with people, namely friendships. yes i'd admit that it's very foolish of me because then it'll be so easier to get hurt. but i guess that's just the way i am, and it's hard to change. it's just such a shock when what i receive is desertion. i'm just dumbfounded by the fact that despite what i say to some individuals, ie thanking them for something, they don't think anything of it. i'm sorry if i was just trying to be sincere by pouring my heart and soul out to you. if you never cared, why didn't you save both of us the time and energy and tell me in the first place. i'm sorry if you ever felt obligated to waste a single breath on me. i simply just don't understand ...

2003-11-03T17:40:00.000-08:00

worthy of - jt

just got back from sharon's house. we played the shark game, it was great. i totally rocked that game : ) that chick is definitely the one of the coolest people to chill with.
some friends are great and other aren't so great. there's those true friends who will stick by you no matter what. there's also friends that only hang around when they want something, and the next minute they're gone. and then there's those shady friends.
what kind of a friend are you?

btw, it's so freakin cold! i need earmuffs to wear at school or something, my poor ears get all frozen and stuff, so sad.

bio night lab time!

toodles! *kiss kiss*

2003-11-02T18:36:00.000-08:00

anticipating - britney

what a crappy weekend.

happy halloween on friday!! i went over to ryan's that day. sorry for all the drama, again. then it started raining. then i got sick. i went home early and slept. woke up at like 4 in the afternoon on saturday. ate breakfast, then slept again till 8. my tonsils(?) were swollen like crazy and it was painful to talk, so i pretended i was a mute most of the time. i discovered that it's very difficult to communicate with people when you can't talk. this cold weather has taken me by surprise. i dont think i've ever gotten this sick in such a short amount of time. thank goodness my swelling has gone down a lot and that i could actually talk now. it hurts when i eat though, how sad!!! i guess i'll just go through the pain cause i don't wanna starve haha. oh and on top of that, i misplaced my cell phone, which ended up finding this morning. isn't it ironic that the weekend that i can barely talk, was the weekend that practically everyone decided to call me.

don't worry sharon. everything is gonna work out! i'll make sure that it does!

toodles! *kiss kiss*

2003-10-29T18:15:00.000-08:00

right for me - jt

i think i really do have a sleeping disorder. or maybe it's just history and foolish mr. landis that puts me to sleep. well whatever it is, i fell asleep again during a test, a unit test. i think i officially have an f in that class. but good news is that i got a 93 on my bio test, which raised my grade to a 81.5, yay for me! i need a topic for my iop, any ideas? did you know that there's something achoo syndrome??? yup, it causes a person to start sneezing involuntarily when they look at bright light. how traumatizing for a little kid to have that syndrome. then after school sisco took me to get records, thank you! oh yeah, and your parking sucks : P

toodles! *kiss kiss*

2003-10-27T22:19:00.000-08:00

me against the music - britney
britney <~ thanks chester!

eh what a gloomy day today. more ashes, more hot weather. let's recap the day. math was okay, got another free tady pass. english, did a snippet on ultima, i think i'm getting better at this analysis stuff. bio, studied. french, more busywork as usual. renaissance, prep for rally. econ, same old same old. us, a stupid quiz. landis is so unprepared sometimes, he didn't have a quiz for us so he just gave us one off the top of his head. it took him 1/2 hour to give a 10 question multiple choice quiz. so of course, as droning as his voice is, i fell asleep during the quiz. i slept A LOT and missed like half of the questions and answers. i ended up getting a 2 out of 10 thanks to julia's generosity haha. i'm gonna try harder to read the chapters and to stay awake during the lectures and tests. then when i was driving home, the stupid cars in front of me were tailgating each other and the car in front of me braked out of the blue. then i had to brake really hard, which my car handled great of course. but sisco was driving behind me and his brakes weren't that great and his tires went screeching. all i could do was sit there with my mouth open, dumbfounded, waiting to see if he could stop in time. and he did! whew!! why is it that i tend to freeze up in critical situations? i just sit there :O not doing a damn thing. maybe it's cause i have a really slow reaction rate, or maybe i know i'll be okay, or maybe i'm just too damn lazy to do anything. well whatever reason it is, i'm glad that i'm okay. thank god someone with great driving skills was behind me today, or else i would be crying endless tears right now. then bio lab, i did decent on the test, hopefully i'll get at least a b. then home. watched a lil bit of the rma's because jt was on there : ) gotta catch up on u.s.

toodles! *kiss kiss*

2003-10-26T18:57:00.000-08:00

lonely - britney spears

congrats to julian and cecille for homecoming king and queen!
happy birthday (yesterday) to john!

friday - went shopping with sharon to joanns and then to puente. it was the most productive day ever! we matched the ribbons and the flower to patrick's shirt. us and our ghetto asian method of getting the flower muahahaha. i got the skirt for my outfit, all i need now is suspenders. afterwards i went to the tailgate where my britton and brandon were performing. then to the game, and we actually won! then later went to dinner with people at applebees.

saturday - went to school for renaissance. then to sharon's house to help with her dress. jane came over too. then went home and slept. rather uneventful day.

sunday - slept late, extra hour of sleep yay! then bummed around the rest of the day. it was incredibly stuffy cause we closed the windows cause of the stupid ash. man i wish it was snowing snow instead of snowing ash.

another week of school ... yay halloween on friday!

toodles! *kiss kiss*

2003-10-24T06:11:00.000-07:00

one positive result of ib so far, i'm beginning to become a morning person.

yesterday i went to pasadena with the red cross club. well it was more like a group of friends instead of a club haha. it took us forever to get there and when we finally did, there was nothing left to do. then it took another hour in traffic to get home. thanks to chris for driving. i'm been having sleeping problems lately, i've been oversleeping, if that's possible. it's kinda bothersome cause i just fall asleep out of nowhere sometimes when i'm doing my homework. i fall alseep at around 10 or 11 and the next thing i know it's freakin 5 in the morning. this sucks.

now off to face another 8 hours of school.
everyone go to the homecoming game today!! come to the tailgate from 6 to 7:30!!

toodles! *kiss kiss*

2003-10-22T19:27:00.000-07:00

yesterday was freakin hot and i felt all ehhh the whole day. went to joanns to buy ribbons, chilled at sharon's, then picked up helen and went to the haunted house meeting for key club. then said hi to ryan and came home. i can't take this stuffy weather, it's so gross. i stayed home today because i woke up feeling like all sorts of crap. a whole week without him, things sure are gonna seem dull.

toodles! *kiss kiss*

2003-10-20T21:03:00.000-07:00

my horoscope for today:

You want to seem perfect to so many different people. You try so hard that mistakes are inevitable. Lighten up and start having fun. If someone can't handle you as you are, he or she isn't worth a minute of your time.

how oh so very wise.
now for the song of the day:

Would have given up my life for you
Guess it's true what they say about love
It's blind
*Boy*, you lied straight to my face
Looking in my eyes
And I believed you 'cause I loved you more than life
And all you had to do
Was apologize

You didn't say you're sorry
I don't understand
You don't care that you hurt me
And now I'm half the *girl*
That I used to be when it was you and me
You didn't love me enough
My heart may never mend
And you'll never get to love me, again

Sadness has me at the end of the line
Helpless watched you break this heart of mine
And loneliness only wants you back here with me
Common sense knows that you're not good enough for me
And all you had to do
Was apologize, and mean it

But you didn't say you're sorry
I don't understand
You don't care that you hurt me
And now I'm half the *girl*
That I used to be when it was you and me
You didn't love me enough
My heart may never mend
And you'll never get to love me

I wish like hell I could go back in time
Maybe then I could see how
Forgiveness says that I should give you one more try
But it's too late, it's over now

You didn't say you're sorry
I don't understand
You don't care that you hurt me
And now I'm half the *girl*
That I used to be when it was you and me
You didn't love me enough
My heart may never mend
And you'll never get to love me
Again

2003-10-19T19:53:00.000-07:00

what have i done to deserve to be called a hoe?
okay, let me rephrase that: what have i done recently that i have not admitted to that makes me deserving to be called a hoe?
maybe i just don't realize my mistakes. so please feel free to educate me.
and NO SHARON, IT'S NOT YOU!!! blue and orange mesh perfectly haha.

i guess like twin was commenting about, it's only a matter of time when you find out who your true friends are.

so far, i can only name two close friends that have not done me dirty. thank you twin and knight. hopefully i'll be able to add more names onto the list.

2003-10-19T16:54:00.000-07:00

get mine get yours

got back from shopping with sharon and staci. i bought half of a really hot outfit, the other half i will soon buy after i get more money. we so have to go clubbing now. and i wanted to get this really cute plaid dress as a dressup thing for halloween, but it would only be a one time thing so it would be foolish to buy it, so sad.

yesterday was psats. afterwards i chilled at mcdonalds with sharon and sisco for like 2 hours, we are officially bums. then i took my brother out for the rest of the day as a late birthday present and we went bowling hehe. my best score was 91, with one frame to go, but time was up.

friday was helen's bday celebration. first dinner, then some downtown disney, and finally broomballing. lots of fun. i missed going out with those people.

overall, it was an awesome weekend. hopefully next week will be great as well. naptime then write my econ commentary, sigh.

toodles! *kiss kiss*

2003-10-16T20:03:00.000-07:00

learning to breathe - switchfoot

man i wrote a really long entry but my ie crashed and i lost it all :'( so sad. it summed up everything that i was feeling perfectly, oh well.

i've realized, once again, that my personal problems are far too petty and insignificant compared to what everyone else in the world has to deal with. i've been blessed with a good life, and all i do is sit on my ass and whine about how much better i wished it were. but now i've realized that i'm content with what i have in my life (well except for grades but i'm gonna get to that later). i feel so foolish to be so oblivious to the troubles that other people have. i mean they don't necessarily tell me their problems, but it's even worse that i don't even think about what other people have to deal with besides what i see at school or whatever. i waste too much time doing nothing when i should be doing something to help out someone other than myself.

i'm selfish. i realized that the major cause of all the stress and irritation that i've experienced this last week was because of me stressing over silly materialistic things. but it was a good thing, because it made me not care about anything at all. which ultimately lead me to realize that the world does not revolve around me. there's definitely more to life than the typical teenage lifestyle ...

i'm planning to take a week or two to get my academics back on track. a 2/10 on my history quiz and a f on my econ test is TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE!! i can't believe i ever let my grades suffer this much, this must end. i also want to be doing more things around the house and spend more time with my family, especially my brother. then i want to start volunteering regularly somewhere. i need to start looking into that. and lastly, i want to spend time with my beloved friends. it's a very ambitious set of goals. trying to maintain a balance life while staying sane at the same time will be a difficult task. but i know that the satisfaction i receive upon completion will be well worth it.

i've just gotta keep in mind what MY values are and what I believe in. i shouldn't, and i'm not going to let other people dictate my life. hopefully this will solve my problem of paradoxical values, morals, and all that other fun stuff.

it feels absolutely delightful to learn and to grow, at least i think i'm doing so.

toodles! *kiss kiss*

2003-10-15T21:05:00.000-07:00

take it from here - jt

i definitely write in here way too often than i should, but it helps to keep me sane so it is justified.

school was okay today. had the key club trivia and our team won! helen took two for the team today, hope your ear feels better! my twin was patient enough to wait for me so that she could help me pick out a present. i haven't been shopping in the longest time and i was just itching to buy something but i kept focused on my goal and restrained from buying anything for myself.

you're right twin, there must be one guy out there in the world who wants the same (silly) things that i want. i guess i'm just waiting for that one day to come. and believe it or not, i don't think that i want it to come anytime soon, not that it will anyways. i'm content with how i am right now. but whenever that day comes, i'll humbly accept it.

i am growing up.

toodles! *kiss kiss*

2003-10-14T22:05:00.000-07:00

okay so after 3 hours time of thinking about myself ... my optimistic side has returned. yes, i do change my mind A LOT. but i figured that in the end everything will be okay, and if it's not okay, then it's not the end. i mean i still feel sorta empty, but not as empty as before. still looking for that motivation or inspiration ...

2003-10-14T18:07:00.000-07:00

in the end - linkin park

self analysis:

i think that i've been feeling so emotionless and basically not giving a crap about anything is because of the stressful week i had last week. i've probably done enough stressing for about 2 weeks, which will be up by the end of this week. i've lost all motivation and insipration for the time being. i think i've given up on myself simply because i don't think i matter to anyone. or so it seems. when i'm my usual self, i usually treat everyone with love and respect. and i guess lately it just seems like everyone takes everything i do for granted. being nice to everyone seems hopeless to me now, what good would it do me to have people walk all over me? i guess i just want to be appreciated. the feeling of being used + all that stress = emotional breakdown. i guess that's just what i get for trying to "treat people the way i want to be treated." i'm sorry, i just can't see any optimism in my situation now. and if i actually do mean anything to anyone, why don't i feel like it? no, i definitely expect too much out of everyone. i can't change the way people are. some people must have emotional blocks or something standing in the way. i'm lost and i need a sense of direction. if not, i'm scared that i'm just gonna keep falling and falling

but then i guess in the end i do somewhat do care about everything.

sorry everyone for taking up your time. i've failed you all.

2003-10-13T23:00:00.000-07:00

this entry will consist of pure complaining and bitching, more so than the usual entries.

first of all, just because i look ditzy and act ditzy does not mean that i am not capable of driving a car with a manual transmission damn it. yeah it was just a joke, but it sorta hurt my feelings : ( i think that i drive pretty damn good stick considering that i do not drive one on a daily basis. i wished my car was a 6 speed, or at least a 5 speed. but then again i'm glad that my car's automatic since driving in traffic gives me crazy road rage; imagine driving stick on top of traffic, horrific.

second of all, it's a pet peeve when people cannot make up their minds about plans. i like to make plans beforehand so that i'm not worrying or stressing at the last minute. how can people ask me to do one thing if they're not even gonna cooperate? why would you ever ...

lastly, i'm just going to keep my mouth shut about everything and anything for the time being. i'm not gonna say anything or do anything, i'm just gonna find a big rock and hide under it. besides everything i say and do is a contradiction anyways so whats the point. i try to be one person while the world dictates me to be another. i can never win so i'd might as well just shut my mouth so then at least everyone else would be happy. sides they wouldn't have to hear me bitch and whine all the time. as a matter of fact, i'll start now.

2003-10-12T20:36:00.000-07:00

last night - jt

picked up helen to go to the rtc at chinatown, mp. met charlene there, and we all decided to leave because everyone there was too peppy for us hehe. we decided to go shopping at west co and picked up sharon along the way. tried on awesome outfits at jam mode and forever 21. i saw the cutest plaid skirt, but the stitching was messed up in the front so i didn't buy it. so sad, i would've worn it with a black jacket that would've made me look like a dark schoolgirl.

3 tests/quizzes tomorrow. gotta rewrite my horrible essay.

toodles! *kiss kiss*

2003-10-12T11:09:00.000-07:00

always on my mind - phantom planet

good morning sunshine : )

yesterday was a fun but sort of irritating kind of day. sat was okay, i need to sharpen my verbal skills though. six flags was okay, but the traffic among everything else made me so bitchy and grrr, sorry guys. but i had an awesome time with everyone and it made up for it all. i went with the usual people (ashley, ryan, aaron, adam, john, mike, erica, alex) and i also made some new friends (jen, her bf kevin, and trisha). the rides were great. i realized that i don't get nervous or feel any kind of emotions right before i get on the ride. have i been de-emotionalized? is that a real term? well it is now :) the rush that i felt on rollercoasters isn't that significant anymore, it's just more like "eh". i caught myself laughing a lot during the rides, simply because things looked funny upside. haha there must've been or probably is something wrong with me. of all the mazes we ended up going to the clown maze, lucky me. but i was smart to stay in the middle of the group so i didn't get that scared hehe : )

*i learned yesterday that i am a very bitchy person sometimes. especially when i'm tired or i don't get enough sleep, basically i get cranky. traffic makes me very angry as well. i also learned that i whine to much. i was probably the biggest whiner out of everyone. i need to learn to toughen up or just shut up. i need to relax more and stop stressing and worrying.

*guys are such dogs. well the majority of them anyways. all they care about are the physical aspects of a girl. why is it human nature to judge someone by their looks? i admit that i'm guilty of that too, but i know that looks aren't everything. in fact, looks are usually deceiving. and you'd think guys would learn that after going after a hot girl, and she turns out to have a horrible attitude. the same with girls going after a hot guy. if it's true that all the girls go for the bad boys, then it must also be true that all the boys go for the bad girls. so in the end, all the nice people get screwed. well maybe the only reason guys seem like they're so obsessed with looks is because they are all teenagers. man, seems like i can never win ... unless i go out with someone at least 25 years old so we can go out legally haha.

and why the hell would i care if you're fucked up or if you're high? that's just great. and who the hell calls at 230 in the morning asking me if i'm sleeping or not? what do you think fucker?

toodles! *kiss kiss*

2003-10-10T18:53:00.000-07:00

bare naked - jennifer love hewitt

i've been so drained lately, partly because of medication. i've been sleeping so much lately and it only makes me more tired. my ankle looks normal, but it's still a bit sore. my throat has gotten better, so luckily tomorrow shall be a great day. the group's gotten bigger, so now it's about 13 people going, i hope we can all get along peacefully : ) two more weeks, i need to make a decision soon, man i've got to stop putting everything off. sat's tomorrow, yikes! wish me luck.

i've been so confused lately. i guess this is the inevitable test of character and will. i feel so lost. my heart has been hurt so many times, and by the same person, but how many chances of forgiveness is enough. but i guess i've never really healed from all the hurts, and it stands in the way of me trusting him among everyone else. such a contradiction of values. man, being strong is tough stuff. i guess i've just gotta pull through somehow. off to study.

toodles! *kiss kiss*

2003-10-09T21:56:00.000-07:00

learning to breathe - switchfoot

i'm sick. well i've pretty much always been sick but now my throat is swelling up, very unpleasant. my ankle is getting better. i lost one of the little silver clippy things today, how sad. why would anyone offer to bring me lunch or to take me to and from school? i still feel fear everytime i see him. well it's fear, with some resentment, a bit of frustration and confusion, topped off with a hint of bitterness. tomorrow shall be lockdown day for me. but hopefully saturday will be a good day. as much as i love my mom, sometimes it's just so freakin hard to deal with her half-mindedness. homecoming or not? i'd need a date though ...

toodles! *kiss kiss*

2003-10-07T18:51:00.000-07:00

i am the most pathetic car washer. i've managed to get myself almost as wet as the car itself. poor baby, he has to tolerate with my stupidity ...

anyways, i just wanted to make note of a weird dream i had. i dreamt i was at some place with tables upon tables of catered food. all sorts of beef, pork, chicken, etc. unfortunately i wasn't able to eat anything in the dream, how sad. then i woke up with drool at the corner of my mouth, what a dork! hehehe

You know I'm one of a kind
Boy what's this I see
This girl she looks just like me
Blond hair and dressed to a T
You tell me how can this be
If she knew I was the one
Who used to turn you on
Yeah but you don't want to talk about it
When you think you can find
Someone to fill my shoes
And you ask yourself why
That she can't do the thing I do
And you can't deny
That everywhere you go
You see my face and my name
And it eats you up inside

You know I'm one of a kind
There'll never be another me
Can't get me out of your mind
You're lost in your own fantasy
And when you look in my eyes
Is it hard for you to realize
She'll never be me

Why can't you see it girl
Got no identity
Whenever he's touching you
He's really thinking of me
Does she know I was the one
Who use to turn you on, yeah
But you don't want to talk about it
When you think you can find someone to fill my shoes
And you ask yourself why
She don't do the things I do
You can't deny
That everywhere you go
You see my face, hear my name
And it eats you up inside

haHA!

2003-10-07T16:24:00.000-07:00

can't hold us down - xtina

just got finish bellydancing. i wanna wash my car, but i'm waiting a while until it's not as hot. i should workout more often. it puts me in a good mood. my achilles tendon(?) or whatever it's called is bothering me. the pain comes and goes every once in a while and it's quite bothersome. maybe i need an ankle wrap? who knows, i'm horrible at first aid anyways. econ was interesting today. america is a pretty corrupt place to live, but since i don't have the option of moving to europe (yet, haha) i guess it'll have to do for now. at least there are some good people in the world that balance out the bad. although there seems to be more bad people in the world then good ... oh well. i slept at 1030 yesterday, amazing! but yet when i woke up today, i was more tired than usual. i think it was cause i had a long day yesterday. school from 645 to 830 at night: school, aci, bio lab. that's too much learning in one day. man i gotta start going to aci on the weekends instead. sat's this week, yikes!

toodles! *kiss kiss*

2003-10-06T00:35:00.000-07:00

you make me smile so much that my cheeks hurt :D